The Lake

The water was deep,

Filled to the top

And full of secrets.

It was going to be a simple date.

You and me,

Strolling down the lake.

But clearly,

You planned to break up

With me.

The sky was dark

And the air was thick,

But we endured it. 

I knew it was coming,

So I planned 

Accordingly.

We sat by the steam.

The water flowed through out toes

As the dreaded words left your mouth.

With little thinking,

I grabbed the largest rock I could find

And swung it at his head. 

I did this again,

And again,

Until the steam was painted red.

I dropped the rock in the water.

The steam took ahold of his body,

Getting rid of any evidence.

I thought I got better.

I thought passion, 

Sex

And love,

Would change me,

But it hasn’t.

I thought I could be a sweet, housewife,

But I will always be the femme fatale.

Haunting Desires

My god,

I can taste you in my dreams. 

Your hands on my curves,

Your lips on my nipple.

I can feel you against my walls.

Your voice lingering on the side of my neck as it leads me to orgasm.

I can smell you as well.

The smell of weed mixed with cheap vodka enlightens my body and soul.

I can see you in my dreams.

Your presence is noticed before you even walk in.

Your smile can easily bring me to my knees.

You fuel my lustful fantasies,

My haunting desires.

You’re all I need

And I will do everything,

And anything,

It takes to have you as mine

And mine only.

Easter Day

On Easter Day,

I was speaking with my parents

And my father brings up a few memories of when I was younger.

The first memory was a time when my parents paid someone to do work on our front yard.

He mentions how I watched the man from afar

As he trimmed the trees and assorted the rocks along the house.

Once he was finished, my father told me that I went up to him and asked him to give the man a tip.

And he did.

He gave the man the rest of the money for an already expensive job

And sent him on his way.

The second memory was during spring.

My neighbor is known for housing several rabbits.

One day, our boxer chased a rabbit and attacked him.

My father recalls that I ran to the bunny and 

“Prayed” over the bunny.

Then, once our boxer was out of sight

The bunny got up and ran away.

Do I remember these memories?

No.

Or at least not in that way.

I find that

Underneath my protective, horrifying exterior,

There’s just a sweet girl,

Wanting and arching for good in the world

And herself.

The Only Being

I never saw myself as a people person.

I enjoy my own company,

I sew my own cloths instead of using those

Of others.

I start my day alone

And I end my day alone.

However,

Once you have entered my life,

I became a new being.

I want to start my day in your arms

And end my night with three kisses on your heavenly crafted face.

My blind rage has washed away,

Only to be replaced with your sweet smell.=

Feelings, emotions, are weird things to me.

They’re too intense,

So I refuse to deal with them.

But I don’t need to think about them with you. 

With that realization,

You become

The one being

I can see myself tolerating,

Caring for,

And adoring.

That Girl

I didn’t kill that girl,

That girl from years ago.

She is still alive,

But watches from afar.

I feel her presence when 

I am in love.

She’s next to me when

I am walking alone,

In our own private world.

She’s smiling when 

I wear feminine dresses and skirts.

She’s holds me when

I cry the same way I did

All those years ago.

She prays with me at night

To the moon.

She understands

And she’s not mad at me.

Happiness

Choosing happiness 

Is supposed to feel good.

It’s supposed to be freeing,

And invite further happiness into your life.

But,

Instead it hurts.

Choosing happiness means

Letting go of something that 

You thought

Made you happy.

It’s letting go of something

Sentimental,

Something that is close to 

Your heart.

But it hurts instead.

It brings a dry, empty feeling

Because letting go

Hurts.

Letting go is something that nobody wants to do.

But it must happen

Because everything doesn’t last forever

And so does happiness.

It’s not forever,

So you must enjoy it while it lasts.

My Love

My love is too intense for any 

Mortal soul.

I need someone old,

Someone ancient,

Someone knowledgeable,

To understand the love I possess.

My love digs deep into the soul,

Deep into the crust,

Into the core.

My love burns and scorches,

My love is not for the weak.

My love will bury you alive 

And torture you 

Until you give in,

My love will eat you alive 

And haunt you until you’re fully mine.

It is not for the weak

So be aware of what you have signed up for.

Consumption of Love

Eyes as blue and deep as the sea,

I feel like I’m drowning. 

Your touch fills me with warm liquid and ecstasy. 

The taste of your tongue is the only thing I want in my mouth.

You fit so perfectly inside me,

It will be hard to convince me our parts weren’t made for each other.

I exist because of you,

I was born to love and cater to you.

I am under your spell and I refuse to be released from it.

If there’s a God, it would be you

And I would be your faithful follower.

Waiting Game

What did this world hold for me?

What kind of things will be given to me?

Will I have the perfect home?

With green, lively plants scattered around and cats laying in the sun.

Will I have the man of my dreams?

The one who shows interest in me and brings me inner peace.

Will I succeed as a writer?

My words will arouse the reader and eat them alive, as they do me.

Will I be doing all of this

For nothing?

Only time will tell.

Brain Dead

My brain is broken.

I can’t write,

I can’t read,

I can’t fuck.

My mind is filled with many thoughts,

Some useless and many horrifying.

Is this the death of my creative mind?

Is this the death of my erotic nature?

Oh, how I wish

I could cut open my head,

Pull out my brain,

And squeeze the content onto the white pages.

I need to feed my desire,

I need to feed my readers,

I need to feed my obsession.