I don’t know if I should love you or hate you.
But I love you regardless.
You are the woman who protected me from everything, causing me to be naive as I entered adulthood.
You were the woman who drilled perfection into me.
I still remember your voice telling me “it has to be perfect.”
Now, I break down whenever something is a little off or isn’t “perfect.”
You are the woman who I go to when I’m in need.
I call you everyday and when things are wrong.
You were the woman who told me you should’ve aborted me.
I still remember that and I wish you did.
You were my enemy before you were my mother.
I wish you could’ve been better.
I was a sensitive child and now I’m an asshole who is cruel to everyone just so I don’t get hurt again.
I don’t even know how to open up to you about my personal life because I’m used to keeping it from you.
I still crave to be under you, in your warmth, just like when I was a baby, a child, a teenager and even now.
I want to hate you, but I can’t.
My inner child wants revenge for everything you did to me and how I am now.
But I can’t help, but to love you.
I love you momma and I can’t imagine my life without you.
You are my security net, but I’m scared of getting hurt again.
I don’t want to be hurt again, momma.
I love you, momma, I love you more than I love myself.
I don’t know how can I forgive you for everything you put me through as a child
Just please don’t hurt me anymore.