Simplicities of Life

Don’t tell me you love me.
Tell me life is insufferable and you want to die
With me by your side.

Don’t tell me I’m attractive.
Tell me you would give me your heart
On a golden platter.

Don’t tell me you miss me.
Tell me you would rather burn alive
Than to be without me for another moment.

Don’t tell me you want a relationship with me.
Tell me you want our bodies, our souls
To be bound together for eternity.

Don’t tell me my body is sexy.
Tell me my spine only exists so it can
Bend and Break for you.

Home

In times of embarrassment,
In times of hopelessness,
And in times of loneliness,
All I want to do is go home.

I want to go home.
I want to be in my mother’s arms,
In her womb.
In her strong embrace,
In front of her strong face,
Telling me,
“You don’t have to be perfect.”

I want to go home.
I want to be in my father’s arms,
Like a child holding their delicate dolls.
In his strong arms,
With his protective logic,
Telling me,
“You’re ok, baby.”

I want to be home.
I want to be in my siblings’ company,
However, the age difference is a big factor.
With hard-headedness,
And their stubborn attitudes,
Telling me,
“Mini, you got this. Don’t cry.”

When I’m away,
And I feel scared and alone,
Desperate for help,
All I can say is
“I want to go home.”

Death’s Impact

Death is a natural occurrence.
It is one of the most painful parts of life.

However, it has no impact on me.

Death is a sad thing to me,
But it doesn’t bring me down.
It doesn’t bring me to my knees,
In pain, crying and wishing it was me.

It’s more of a ‘wow, I didn’t expect that’,
But It can’t bring me to tears.

My friend’s dad.
He was like a father to me,
A big part of my childhood
He had passed due to natural causes.
I only cried because I thought I needed to cry.
I was hurt, but it seemed like I should cry,
But I didn’t want to cry.

A high school classmate,
A girl I would see around school,
Passed by gun violence.
She was as innocent as Eve before the Apple.
I couldn’t cry, 
Not a single tear.
I donated to her GoFund me

My great-grandma.
I was close to her as a great-grandchild could be
I was in class when I got the news 
From my cousin’s Facebook page.
I felt like I should leave because of it.
It felt like something a grieving person would do.
I still don’t know how she passed.

A guy I went to high school with,
A grade below me,
Killed by a truck while crossing the highway.
I didn’t know much about him,
But I knew his face
And my brother knew his face.
I felt sad for him,
But I couldn’t cry.

Death has no impact on me.
It could be because I’m not as close to them,
Never really knew them, 
There was no real bond.

It feels wrong,
I feel wrong 
For having little to no reaction.
It feels as though
I am immune to human death and pain.

About the writer, Ari

I’ve been writing on this blog for a while and gained a bit of a following. I love and appreciate all of you for coming back a few times a week to reading my writing.
I decided to put together a short list of things about myself, so you guys can get to know me better. I hope you guys enjoy this list and I will be publishing pieces this week!

  • I prefer to be called Ari. It is short for my first name and got it from one of my first friends from college.
  • I am 19 and I’m a Scorpio.
  • I am African-American and I take pride in my culture and my people.
  • I am a Sophomore at the University of Michigan and I’m an English major (No, I don’t want to be an English teacher).
  • I am from Michigan in the United States.
  • I’ve been writing for over a decade now.
  • I love writing and it’s the only thing I can see myself doing for the rest of my life. 
  • Writing comes naturally to me. I can create a piece and upload it within 10 to 20 minutes. 
  • I prefer to write stories or poems with a dark tone because everyone writes about love, life and positive experiences, but never include or touch on the darker times. I wanted to be different and just write creepy, scary, disturbing shit.
  • My favorite type of food is Japanese food.
  • My favorite pieces I have published are The Green light and Nineteen.
  • I have a cat named Lucky and a dog named Rusty.
  • I love reading novels and the current books I’m reading are The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath, The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Díaz, Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro and Delta of Venus by Anaïs Nin.
  • My favorite app is Pinterest and Tumblr (yes, I still actively use those apps).
  • I love tattoos and have 4 of them at the moment.
  • Besides writing, my hobbies include reading, watching scary videos, movies and tv shows, drinking wine, shopping online and spending my money on useless things.
  • I’m still shocked that so many of you guys enjoy the shit that comes out of my head. I always thought of myself as an average writer.

I hope you guys enjoyed this little post and got to know me a bit more. I will post soon!

-Ari, the Paramour

Not Fair

It’s not fair.

Why must I burn while you get to thrive in paradise?

Why must I carry and heal the wounds of your abuse while you get to be happy?

I have cried,

I have screamed,

I have begged,

I have prayed,

I have died,

But you get to have the fairytale ending?

You get to move on like it never happened?

I have to cope and adjust with what happened,

And boil over with hatred 

Every
Single
Day.

But you get to act like I never existed in your worthless life? 

It’s just not fucking 
Fair.

Too Soon

We could’ve worked out.
I thought we were perfect for each other.
But you knew too much,
Too soon.
You found out my secret,
My darkest secret.
And now you have to pay the price.

When I first saw you,
I knew you would be the only one for me. 
Getting you wasn’t easy.
It was more of a possession.

I stalked you.
I visited you in your dreams.
I inserted myself into your daily life.
I became your sickness,
And you loved every bit of it.

I bound our souls together,
As one,
And we were doomed from there.

It wasn’t a mistake at all.
It just didn’t go as planned.
You became too involved with me,
And found out about my past lovers
And their fates.

I held you tight in your final hours.
You simply weren’t supposed to find out.

As I plunged the knife into your chest,
Through your heart,
I released you.

I didn’t want to do this to you
Because you were the one.
But you couldn’t be subjected to who I truly am.

Satisfaction

There an undeniable sense of satisfaction
When your entire being in declining. 

My hair,
My proud kinky curls,
Are dying into my own hands.

My skin,
Brown tanned skin,
Is dying up and covered with acne scars.

My body,
Healthy and thick,
Is getting smaller and weaker.

My mind,
As deranged as it is,
Is swimming in terrorized thoughts

My will,
My will to live and partake in this life,
Is missing and I don’t care enough to find it.

I see the issue,
I feel myself sinking,
But I don’t care enough 
To pull myself back to the surface.

Don’t bother saving me.
I want to see how bad I can get.

Keeping Up

I’ve been slacking, haven’t it?
I’ve been too nice,
Too wrapped up in my own mess,
And I forgot how this is supposed to be.

Say less.

I strapped the rusty chain around your neck,
Pulling you back into reality,
And remarking your neck with wounds.

I wrap your ankles with the different chains,
And hand the ends to my assistant.

I grip the chain that are attached to your neck,
And my assistant grips the chains to your ankles.

And, 
We pull.

We pull, 
And pull.

With all the strength in the world,
And the littlest sympathy,
We pull.

Your screams don’t mean anything to us, 
As your legs began to detach from your torso.

With the power you have within you, 
You raise your eyes to meet mine.

I can see you begging for me to stop,
Begging for you pitiful life.

And all I can do,
To help you along your journey,
Is to smile as I pull your head off of your shoulders. 

Old Friend

Dear Old Friend,

I miss you.
I miss you with every fiber in my being.
I loved our friendship and I loved you
From the moment I met you
To now.

We are,
We were,
One in the same.
Different people who had the same soul, 
But different experiences.

I was always there for you.
I always had time and space for you.
I had real, unearthly love for you.
I cared for you as if we knew each other since we were mere infants.

I wish you could’ve apologized.
The situation wasn’t even that deep.
I needed your apology to forgive you.
Now, I must be cold to you and forget you.

I wish it wasn’t that way.
We both know it shouldn’t be this way.
You accepted me for who I am.
And I accepted you for who you were.

I love you, Old Friend.
I always think about you, Old Friend.
I dream about you, Old Friend. 
And I cry puddles for our short-lived friendship.

Take care, Old Friend.
Don’t be so naïve, Old Friend. 

Stuck In This Mind

In the most recent parts of my life, 

I began to realize that I am apart of this reality.

I could be sitting in class,

Sitting at my desk,

Hanging out with friends,

When I become hyper-aware.

I become aware that I have a mother, who will suffer to give me her last,

A father, who is a horrible, disappoint of a man.

I have a sick mind and I am a mess with no sense on how to change it.

I become aware that I am required to live this life,

To suffer, to love, to desire, to procreate,

And live into my 40s, 50s and 60s.

And it terrifies me.

Why me?
Why us?
Why are things the way it is?

How can I change it?
Why am I like
This?

And it is the most frightening realization.