For Your Amusement

What amuses you, my dearest reader?
Do you enjoy hearing about my own pain and delusions?
Do you like hearing about my psychotic breaks?
Let me give you one.

Sometimes, I hate my mind.

I hate the things I create and play out in mind.

But I love the feeling of it.

The feeling that I possess the power to harm someone,

To harm myself. 

Sometimes, I imagine myself in full on tears,

Dripping down my face onto my thick brown thighs.

I am facing a wall, a strong, brick wall

And I see myself driving my head into the wall.

I continue doing this, with all my strength,

Again,

And again,

And again,

Until my blood is painted on the wall

With pieces of my sweet, brain matter scattered along the piece.

My forehead is flattened and I’m dizzy.

My tears have stopped and a smile is born.

My joy is overwhelming as well as my pain.

I faint, into death or into sleep, from it. 

How Did You Get Him?

How did I get him?
How did I get him to become mine for this lifetime
and the next?
Well, it wasn’t easy.

I had to attract him.
I wore pretty, short dresses
And short skirts.
I became hairless and brainless 
To get him to notice me.

I had to match him.
I copied his actions and
His interests.
I had to smile as big as I could
And hide my true intentions.

And then,
I got him.  

I had to keep him in.
I put my menstrual blood
In his food.
I used my climax to 
Keep him thinking of me.

We had to stay together.
We lived in each other’s
Dreams.
We performed blood rituals
Under the light of the full moon.

My work will not go to waste.