Faithful Friend

I recently got a new cat named Lucky. She is a Maine Coon and has a combination of brown and light fur with a button nose. She’s an angel and the sweetest cat ever. However, she does have a flaw. Her tongue was abnormally large, but I never saw it as a real problem.

My boyfriend and I never had a healthy relationship. He doesn’t have the best life and can take it out on me, but I don’t want to leave him. I think you probably know where this is heading.

One day, I just got so fed up with his torture. He recently got fired from his 5th job of the year and was taking it out on me. So, I took a knife to his throat and sliced it like butter. It was nice to watch him struggle and I felt a sense of relief once he took his last breath. His blood painted the walls and the hardwood floors, I didn’t know what to do.

But during my panic, my Maine Coon came swaying into the room. With her tail high and her ears back. She observed the scene and observed my state. And began licking. She started to lick up the drying blood off the floors and chew on his open flesh. She stopped and looked at me as to ask if I’m going to  join her. I smiled wide and followed her lead. 

The night he told me he loved me

We just came from dinner at a local diner. The moon was out and shining, enlightening us under her glory. He was hold my hand and I was trying to keep the beast within me tamed. We walked over the wooden bridge. I felt like I was on a light cloud. I felt like I was in heaven. Then, he stopped. He stopped and turned to face me and palmed my face in his hands. And, he said it. He said those three fucking words.

“I love you.”

The second those word left his mouth, I broke apart. Something within me switched off and the beast, the evil being, came out. My body went haywire and I had no control over it. My brain shut off, the veins in my neck snapped, my head became stiff and heavy. Then, my stomach turned and my legs snapped, causing me to fall onto the bridge. He tried to help me, he truly did, but it was too late. The night he told me he loved me was the night I died and became the evil being I am today.

Simplicities of Life

Don’t tell me you love me.
Tell me life is insufferable and you want to die
With me by your side.

Don’t tell me I’m attractive.
Tell me you would give me your heart
On a golden platter.

Don’t tell me you miss me.
Tell me you would rather burn alive
Than to be without me for another moment.

Don’t tell me you want a relationship with me.
Tell me you want our bodies, our souls
To be bound together for eternity.

Don’t tell me my body is sexy.
Tell me my spine only exists so it can
Bend and Break for you.

Death’s Impact

Death is a natural occurrence.
It is one of the most painful parts of life.

However, it has no impact on me.

Death is a sad thing to me,
But it doesn’t bring me down.
It doesn’t bring me to my knees,
In pain, crying and wishing it was me.

It’s more of a ‘wow, I didn’t expect that’,
But It can’t bring me to tears.

My friend’s dad.
He was like a father to me,
A big part of my childhood
He had passed due to natural causes.
I only cried because I thought I needed to cry.
I was hurt, but it seemed like I should cry,
But I didn’t want to cry.

A high school classmate,
A girl I would see around school,
Passed by gun violence.
She was as innocent as Eve before the Apple.
I couldn’t cry, 
Not a single tear.
I donated to her GoFund me

My great-grandma.
I was close to her as a great-grandchild could be
I was in class when I got the news 
From my cousin’s Facebook page.
I felt like I should leave because of it.
It felt like something a grieving person would do.
I still don’t know how she passed.

A guy I went to high school with,
A grade below me,
Killed by a truck while crossing the highway.
I didn’t know much about him,
But I knew his face
And my brother knew his face.
I felt sad for him,
But I couldn’t cry.

Death has no impact on me.
It could be because I’m not as close to them,
Never really knew them, 
There was no real bond.

It feels wrong,
I feel wrong 
For having little to no reaction.
It feels as though
I am immune to human death and pain.

Too Soon

We could’ve worked out.
I thought we were perfect for each other.
But you knew too much,
Too soon.
You found out my secret,
My darkest secret.
And now you have to pay the price.

When I first saw you,
I knew you would be the only one for me. 
Getting you wasn’t easy.
It was more of a possession.

I stalked you.
I visited you in your dreams.
I inserted myself into your daily life.
I became your sickness,
And you loved every bit of it.

I bound our souls together,
As one,
And we were doomed from there.

It wasn’t a mistake at all.
It just didn’t go as planned.
You became too involved with me,
And found out about my past lovers
And their fates.

I held you tight in your final hours.
You simply weren’t supposed to find out.

As I plunged the knife into your chest,
Through your heart,
I released you.

I didn’t want to do this to you
Because you were the one.
But you couldn’t be subjected to who I truly am.

Keeping Up

I’ve been slacking, haven’t it?
I’ve been too nice,
Too wrapped up in my own mess,
And I forgot how this is supposed to be.

Say less.

I strapped the rusty chain around your neck,
Pulling you back into reality,
And remarking your neck with wounds.

I wrap your ankles with the different chains,
And hand the ends to my assistant.

I grip the chain that are attached to your neck,
And my assistant grips the chains to your ankles.

We pull.

We pull, 
And pull.

With all the strength in the world,
And the littlest sympathy,
We pull.

Your screams don’t mean anything to us, 
As your legs began to detach from your torso.

With the power you have within you, 
You raise your eyes to meet mine.

I can see you begging for me to stop,
Begging for you pitiful life.

And all I can do,
To help you along your journey,
Is to smile as I pull your head off of your shoulders. 

Valentine’s Day

As I hold your beating heart in my bare hands,

I admire what you have sacrificed for our relationship.

You, with a hole in your chest,

And me, with blood on my hands.

You gave your life,

Just so I can have your heart.

The love you have for me is endless.

I glance over at the watch on your wrist.

12:01 A.M. February 14th, 2022

And you did it just in time for Valentine’s Day.

I cannot thank you enough.

This is the perfect gift. 

A walk at night

It was a simple walk,

Past nightfall.

I was with my dog, Chloe, and was walking around in an unknown forest.

It was a simple walk.

We came across a woman, a young woman, in the middle of the walk and

It triggered something within me.

Something I forgot that even existed with in me.

Something I didn’t know was possible in a young, sane person.

We followed her path, stalking behind to keep from being noticed.

She stopped, we stopped.

I collected a colored rock as she bends over to tie her shoes.

In less than a minute, the rock made contact with her soften skull, causing a cracking noise to be released into the air.

My loyal Chloe kept watch for incoming people as the cracking noise continued


and over, 

and over again.

Evidence that could convict me of the crime filled my pockets as I swiftly back away from her.

From her incident.

I continue my simple walk back to my home,

Planning an alibi with each step.

Happy Holidays

I’m not the best at giving gifts. I actually hate giving gifts and the holiday season that is surrounded by gift-giving. However, I wanted to try for you. I spent days searching the stores for a suitable gift for you, maybe even weeks. However, a gift came to mind when I saw you getting close with one of my co-workers, Ottessa. 

Ottessa was a new girl to the company I worked at. She was always running copies for the boss, taking calls for the boss and having private lunches with him. Everyone in the office suspected they were fucking each other, but no one had the bravery to ask and confirm it. Ottessa was a siren and I suspected, after having her way with the boss, she moved on to my boyfriend.

I noticed their abnormal relationship after she took it upon herself to visit me at my residence. She didn’t have an invitation and I’m still unsure how she got my address. But once she entered my home and made eye contact with my boyfriend, I knew things would go downhill from there. After that event, the two had been getting lunch together and she would even come over when I wasn’t at home. Also, My boyfriend had been less affectionate and would claim to be working ‘overtime’ at his job. 

I am definitely not stupid, but I love playing as if I am. So I let things slide and just put on a smile as I planned my gifts for the holiday season. 

The day of Christmas had arrived and I noticed my boyfriend had been feeling down lately. Ottessa has quit her job at my company and hasn’t been seen for days. Everyone at the office assumed she just ran off with some married man for the holidays and might appear again soon. 

On Christmas morning, I woke up early to make my boyfriend breakfast and served it to him in bed. He gave me a half-hearted smile and began eating.

“Would you like your gift now? I’m super excited to show you the gift I got you.” My boyfriend nodded and I ran to the living room to get his present from under the tree. The present was kind of heavy, around eleven pounds, and was very difficult to retrieve and wrap, but I had to do it for him. To show him how much I loved him. 

I placed it in his lap and he immediately began tearing at the wrapping paper. He stopped, in horror, when he realized what the present was. In a glass case, was Ottessa’s head, centered with her eyes scooped out of her eye sockets. Her eyes were placed in her opened mouth, on her dry tongue. On top of her bouncy, black curls was a note that said, Merry Christmas, Honey. He slowly looks up at me with his eyes filled with fear and his mouth open, unable to speak. 

I just wanted to give him a gift he would remember for years to come. And I think I succeeded. 

Cause I do

I look at myself and ask, “am I ok?”
I look at him and plead, “don’t leave me. don’t hate me.”

My therapist is amazing, words can’t describe her.
She’s the type of parent I wish I had.
I love her more than I love my ego.

I look at myself and ask, “am I crazy?”
I look at the messages from boys that only want to fuck me and ask,

I know I’ll be happy one day,
I hope I’ll be happy one day.
My exterior is cracking more and more everyday.
I wonder if I’m becoming the form of myself that I always idealized.

I look at the person in the mirror and ask, “What is wrong with you?”
She looks back at me and says, “I don’t want to die, don’t hurt me.”
“No, I don’t want to die.”
I don’t want to die either.