C.D.

Baby.

You’re my baby, my darling, my lover.

My body aches for you,

My bed feels empty and cold without you.

My soft interior peaks out only for you.

You are my partner,

Nobody compares to you.

I worship you as if you were a God,

My God.

My body was made for you 

To kiss,

To hold,

To grab,

To bend.

I am in my truest form 

When I am with you,

My baby.

Sunny Days

On sunny days,
I crawl out of bed
And dress in my finest clothes.
I walk, barefoot,
From my room,
To the kitchen,
To the front door.
My feet takes in and embrace the debris on the concrete.
My body reacts, but my mind takes it all in.
I keep walking.
The cold concrete turns into rough, but smooth grass 
And my toes curl.
I keep walking.
The sun dances on my brown skin
And my shoulders drop.
I feel
Nothing.
My body isn’t of my own anymore
And my mind, blindly tries to take control.
I keep walking.
My tongue tastes sweet 
And I remember days of baking and cinnamon buns.
My mom’s aura is felt 
And I completely collapse onto the rough, but smooth grass.
My head feels dizzy,
My ears hear my neighbors rushing towards me and calling for help.
My tongue tastes blood as it has collided with my teeth,
My fingers and arms are going numb
And my revealed skin embraces the grass below and the sun above.

But all my attention is going towards the comforts my mom can only produce.

This Night

The bare branches sway as the winter air blows through them.

My body cling to the blanket around me.

My pillow rests my head as my busy eyes watched the trees.

Leaves blow and dance amongst each other.

The wind whispers to me through the cracks in my window.

My unfurnished apartment lays still while my rambunctious kittens dash through it.

My body is weak,

My brain is numb,

But my eyes are fixed on the branches and the leaves.

Winter is here, November has arrived

And I think I just might die.

Sweet Treat

Today, I decided to try making sugar cookies.
I’ve never made them before,
But I was craving the taste.

The first bite felt surreal.
I felt like I was in a dream, 
A familiar dream.

The second bite felt refreshing.
I was transported back to that familiar dream,
With my beautiful husband and my sweet baby.

The third bite felt loving. 
My husband’s lips were on my neck
While my devilish baby played with strands of my hair.

The fourth bite felt orgasmic.
My husband’s hunger and my baby’s beauty overwhelmed me.
I felt whole again. 

The final bite felt mournful
I knew I would have to say goodbye,
So I gave my husband and my baby a heartfelt kiss.

As the sweet treat fades from my deprived tongue, 
I realize I am 
Once again 
Alone.
And it was once again, 
A near dream of a distant reality.

My Heart

My heart is too delicate and full to be abused.
It is a soft child, new to the harshness of this disgusting world.

She’s still innocent. 


I can’t stop her from loving and caring for useless men
Who can’t see her worth and potential.
Who don’t appreciate the pureness of her love.


But,
She can’t help it.
She thrives and continues to seek the man she will love
And marry until her last breath.

But, 
My heart still ponders a simple question.
What’s the point of giving my all, 
my bottomless being,
to a man who would only give me half?

Dream

I had a dream, 
A dream where I was your wife.
Where your hands were on my waist
And my spine was bent
In your favorite position.
Your hands are glued to my throat
While I try not to scream.

I had a dream,
A dream where you were comforting me.
Where your hands caressed my hair
And my eyes filled with tears
That eventually slide down my face.
Your mouth is whispering sweet sounds
While I am spiraling out of control.

I had a dream,
A dream where you were killing me.
Where your favorite blade pushed through my organs
And my body was motionless
And weak to your attack.
Your body locked over me 
While I slowly lost consciousness. 

And it was the best dream
I’ve ever had.

Love Me Now

You said you didn’t love me.

You said you had no ill feelings for me,

But that you 

Didn’t 

Love 

Me.

I just couldn’t understand the idea of you not loving

me

When I’ve loved you my entire life 

And beyond.

Now, I’m stand

In your kitchen

With your beating heart

In my hands.

Your body lies still on the clean tiles. 

I give your heart a squeeze 

As I admire the sweet gift you have given me. 

I’m sorry, my love.

I just couldn’t 

Take

The

Rejection.

I hope you can love me 

Now

That I have your heart 

In my loving hands. 

Obsession

I am obsession.

My handmade personality is based on obsession

With art,

With celebrities,

With aesthetics,

And with my own ideals of my being.

My overwhelming love is based on obsession.

Once I met someone I like,

They consume my thoughts,

My eating habits,

My sleep schedule,

My physical needs

And my emotions needs.

My high education and intelligence is based on obsession.

I only go to one of the best universities in the states 

Because I want to be the best,

I want to be seen as the best,

I want to be better than you

And myself. 

I am obsessed

And I am nothing 

Without my own obsessions.

Pursuits of Life

What is the point of being alive?

What is the point of being a living organism on a planet such as earth?

Is it for capitalism?

Is it biological?

Is it for the greater good?

Is it even our choice to be functional humans within a society?

Why must things be done at the ‘right time’?

Why must things be done at all?

Why must we suffer and live in that suffer?

Why must we live for other beings who do not live for us?

This is how I view it:

Life should be for the pursuit of art.

To create and birth something meaningful, relevant and sickening.

Life should be for the pursuit of love.

To love and be loved is the greatest objective and the only reason to live in a horrible world such as ours.

Life should be for the pursuit of pain.

To learn from discomfort and to cause other’s discomfort.

Life should be for the pursuit of emotions.

To be controlled and led by your highest and lowest points

Life should be for the pursuit of self.

To cater, care and honor yourself as if you are a God

And make other’s do the same.

Life is meaningless and is filled with false prophecies and false truths.

However, with these five goals,

Life become a bit more

Pleasurable.