For Your Amusement

What amuses you, my dearest reader?
Do you enjoy hearing about my own pain and delusions?
Do you like hearing about my psychotic breaks?
Let me give you one.

Sometimes, I hate my mind.

I hate the things I create and play out in mind.

But I love the feeling of it.

The feeling that I possess the power to harm someone,

To harm myself. 

Sometimes, I imagine myself in full on tears,

Dripping down my face onto my thick brown thighs.

I am facing a wall, a strong, brick wall

And I see myself driving my head into the wall.

I continue doing this, with all my strength,

Again,

And again,

And again,

Until my blood is painted on the wall

With pieces of my sweet, brain matter scattered along the piece.

My forehead is flattened and I’m dizzy.

My tears have stopped and a smile is born.

My joy is overwhelming as well as my pain.

I faint, into death or into sleep, from it.