What must I do for your love?
What must I do for you to be mine?
You are the embodiment of perfection and glory.
The sight of you makes my knees weak
And my power, my ego, disappear.
Your boyish appearance and naïve aura
Makes you irresistible and I want to
A man of twenty, but you’re so pure,
So new, to this harsh world.
I was made
I will write for you until my fingers bleed.
I will further damage this world for you.
I will give you my beating heart for your own.
I will crawl on my hands and knees if you asked.
I will only exist for your own happiness and pleasure.
I hate everything.
I hate life.
I hate having to live in this world.
I hate having to talk.
I hate having to correct people.
I hate that there are crappy, shitty, bottom of the barrel ass people in this world.
I love everything.
I love expressing love.
I love being in love.
I love my life and the people that are in it.
I love everything that is given to me.
I love what is going on in my life
I am disgusted by everything.
I’m disgusted by my hair.
I’m disgusted by my peers.
I’m disgusted by my teachers.
I’m disgusted by people.
I’m disgusted I live on a planet like this.
I’m irritated by everything.
I’m irritated by your presence.
I’m irritated with how certain things go.
I’m irritated that I write shitty poems.
I’m irritated with this existence.
I’m irritated that you irritated me.
We just came from dinner at a local diner. The moon was out and shining, enlightening us under her glory. He was hold my hand and I was trying to keep the beast within me tamed. We walked over the wooden bridge. I felt like I was on a light cloud. I felt like I was in heaven. Then, he stopped. He stopped and turned to face me and palmed my face in his hands. And, he said it. He said those three fucking words.
“I love you.”
The second those word left his mouth, I broke apart. Something within me switched off and the beast, the evil being, came out. My body went haywire and I had no control over it. My brain shut off, the veins in my neck snapped, my head became stiff and heavy. Then, my stomach turned and my legs snapped, causing me to fall onto the bridge. He tried to help me, he truly did, but it was too late. The night he told me he loved me was the night I died and became the evil being I am today.
How did I get him?
How did I get him to become mine for this lifetime
and the next?
Well, it wasn’t easy.
I had to attract him.
I wore pretty, short dresses
And short skirts.
I became hairless and brainless
To get him to notice me.
I had to match him.
I copied his actions and
I had to smile as big as I could
And hide my true intentions.
I got him.
I had to keep him in.
I put my menstrual blood
In his food.
I used my climax to
Keep him thinking of me.
We had to stay together.
We lived in each other’s
We performed blood rituals
Under the light of the full moon.
My work will not go to waste.
“You are a monster.”
I stand, 5’3, dripping with blood, covered in it.
“You feel so good.”
I lay, on a king-sized bed, as you slip inside my sticky, warm pool of pleasure.
“You are my person.”
I sit, at a luxurious restaurant, as you look at me with admiration.
“I think love you.”
I zoom out, as I register the words that came out of your mouth.
I haven’t heard those words in so long, I forgot how I’m supposed to feel.
I forgot that a human like me isn’t capable of loving another being
“I think love you.”
I am an unloveable, disturbed human being.
I am delusional and detach from reality on the regular.
I am a perfectionist who will only accept the best.
I am a monster who dreams about horror and destruction
However, I want someone to try.
I want someone to call me theirs.
I want someone whose love is on par with God’s.
I want someone who will pick up the pieces and put me back together.
I want someone to love me for my insanity and instability.
Why would you be attracted to me?
The girl who will give it all up for you,
The girl who will choke you in your sleep if you do her wrong.
Why would you keep me around?
The girl who meets the beauty standard,
The girl who meets the Borderline Personality Disorder Criteria for Diagnosis.
Why would you want me?
The girl who gives the best gifts,
The girl who will set your family heirlooms on fire.
Why would you like me?
The girl who will protect you from any potential danger,
The girl who will throw you to the wolves.
Why would you love me?
The girl who will love you, even when the whole world is against you,
The girl who will turn the whole world against you.