Letter To My Momma

Dear momma,

I don’t know if I should love you or hate you.

But I love you regardless.

You are the woman who protected me from everything, causing me to be naive as I entered adulthood.

You were the woman who drilled perfection into me.

I still remember your voice telling me “it has to be perfect.”

Now, I break down whenever something is a little off or isn’t “perfect.”

You are the woman who I go to when I’m in need. 

I call you everyday and when things are wrong.

You were the woman who told me you should’ve aborted me.

I still remember that and I wish you did. 

You were my enemy before you were my mother.

Momma, 

I wish you could’ve been better. 

I was a sensitive child and now I’m an asshole who is cruel to everyone just so I don’t get hurt again. 

I don’t even know how to open up to you about my personal life because I’m used to keeping it from you.

I still crave to be under you, in your warmth, just like when I was a baby, a child, a teenager and even now.

I want to hate you, but I can’t.

My inner child wants revenge for everything you did to me and how I am now. 

But I can’t help, but to love you.

I love you momma and I can’t imagine my life without you. 

You are my security net, but I’m scared of getting hurt again. 

I don’t want to be hurt again, momma.

I love you, momma, I love you more than I love myself.

I don’t know how can I forgive you for everything you put me through as a child

Just please don’t hurt me anymore.

-Love, Mini