Tag: Pain

For Your Amusement

What amuses you, my dearest reader?
Do you enjoy hearing about my own pain and delusions?
Do you like hearing about my psychotic breaks?
Let me give you one.

Sometimes, I hate my mind.

I hate the things I create and play out in mind.

But I love the feeling of it.

The feeling that I possess the power to harm someone,

To harm myself. 

Sometimes, I imagine myself in full on tears,

Dripping down my face onto my thick brown thighs.

I am facing a wall, a strong, brick wall

And I see myself driving my head into the wall.

I continue doing this, with all my strength,

Again,

And again,

And again,

Until my blood is painted on the wall

With pieces of my sweet, brain matter scattered along the piece.

My forehead is flattened and I’m dizzy.

My tears have stopped and a smile is born.

My joy is overwhelming as well as my pain.

I faint, into death or into sleep, from it. 

Sorrow and Comfort

When my body was focused into puberty,

I became aware of sorrow,

And how my tears are my comfort.

I remember the sorrow I felt about my changing body.

I didn’t want to be an adult and wear a bra at 

The age of ten.

However, I was focused into it.

I cried as I was fitted into my first training bra.

A bra that I will wear for years since my breast barely grew.

I remember the sorrow I felt after my first heartbreak.

The tears I cried could have filled the four oceans.

The pain I felt follows me to this day.

I still cry for the lost love I gave.

I remember the sorrow I felt after every fling and relationship I’ve experienced.

Despite me being an unhinged, disturbed being,

I am still capable of giving ample love and time to the men who could care less about my well-being.

There is countless examples of my sorrow,

this is only a short list. 

I am a human that is often subjected to pain.

From my life experiences to my own dreams,

I am haunted and tortured.

How does my body produce so much sorrow?

I wish I knew.

How does my eyes fill with buckets of tears? 

I wish I had an answer.

My being begs to be expelled from my body 

If this pain continues.

Maybe I will let it free one day.

But until then,

I write about my pain and monstrous thoughts and daydreams with you, 

My dearest reader.