Cause I do

I look at myself and ask, “am I ok?”
I look at him and plead, “don’t leave me. don’t hate me.”

My therapist is amazing, words can’t describe her.
She’s the type of parent I wish I had.
I love her more than I love my ego.

I look at myself and ask, “am I crazy?”
I look at the messages from boys that only want to fuck me and ask,

I know I’ll be happy one day,
I hope I’ll be happy one day.
My exterior is cracking more and more everyday.
I wonder if I’m becoming the form of myself that I always idealized.

I look at the person in the mirror and ask, “What is wrong with you?”
She looks back at me and says, “I don’t want to die, don’t hurt me.”
“No, I don’t want to die.”
I don’t want to die either.

Like a light switch

On – Off

On – Off

I will give you the world

I will make you want to kill me 

On – off

On – off

I never want to lose you

I hope I get to watch your painful death

On – Off

On – Off

I will give up everything for you

You are nothing, to me and to this world

Off – on 

Off – on

Why would you make me feel this way?

I love you too much to hate you.

Off – on

Off – on

I wish you never existed

I wish I had met you sooner

Off – on

Off – on

You are nothing to me

You are my all

Like me

And on the 12th day, the universe created girls like me

Girls who manipulate, lie and use to get their way

Girls who love to be babied by the men they take advantage of

Girls who daydream about harm, to themselves and others

Girls who will always choose violence and mischief

Girls who enjoy hurting people and watching them break into piece

Girls who hide their true selves behind an attractive face

Girls who only fear being ripped open and their unsightliness being displayed

We are not in competition

You and I.

Me and you.

We aren’t the same.

I am your competition, but you are not mine.

My tongue is sharp and I can cut you into pieces with a simple three word sentence.

My eyes can kill you with one single glance.

My hands are lethal and I could kill you with my thumb.

Any ill intentions towards me? Keep it to yourself.

You can’t go against me as I am what you can never be.

I am a leader,

I am clever,

I am intelligent,

I am stable,

I am charming, 

and I am gorgeous.

I am all,

You are nothing.

You are not me and I am and will never be you.

Loving you isn’t enough

It wasn’t enough to love you.

It wasn’t enough to love you the way normal couples loved each other.

I wanted to show you something new and different, something unique and soul-binding.

I want to open up the folds of the universe and dig deep to find a new heavenly way to love you.

I want to unearth the dead languages of the world to express how much I adore you.

Gods, angels, demons will weep at the love I have and express for you.

I want, I need to become you.

I need to possess you. 

I need to love you in a way that has existed long ago.

I need to become it. 

Become the being that terrifies you, but you can’t seem to get away.

Isn’t that romantic?

Romantic Urges

The urge to run my stiletto nails down his dark skin.

The urge to enter his dreams whenever I’m away from him.

The urge to learn dead languages of the world just to express my love for him.

The urge to perform binding rituals together whenever the moon is full.

The urge for him to leave bruises on my heart-shaped ass.

The urge to possess him and allow him to possess me.

The urge to turn myself into his worst nightmare.

The urge to cover ourselves in our own blood and swear to never leave each other.

The urge to destroy anything that gets in the way of our obsession with each other.

My Husband – Part Two

“Why would you marry a man that resembles the demonic force that tormented you as a child?”

Well, why do you drink water?
Why do you shower and cleanse yourself?
Why do you breathe?

You see, I can’t live without him.
I told the moon and the sun about him.
He visits my dreams, as I do his.
My soul, my body, my entire being is merged with his.

I haunt him.
Our spirits are bound together through an ancient blood ritual under the full moon.
He isn’t leaving me. Ever.

There is no ’til death do us part’
because I will always be with him and love him til and after death.
Our souls will continue to return to each other.

We are the demonic entity that haunted me as a child.

Why me?

Why would you be attracted to me?

The girl who will give it all up for you,

The girl who will choke you in your sleep if you do her wrong.

Why would you keep me around?

The girl who meets the beauty standard,

The girl who meets the Borderline Personality Disorder Criteria for Diagnosis.

Why would you want me?

The girl who gives the best gifts,

The girl who will set your family heirlooms on fire.

Why would you like me?

The girl who will protect you from any potential danger,

The girl who will throw you to the wolves.

Why would you love me?

The girl who will love you, even when the whole world is against you,

The girl who will turn the whole world against you.



On November 14th, 2002, I, Ari, was welcomed into this ruthless, cruel world with pieces of humanity scattered around it.

I came in with a rough start. Having low pulses which lead to my mother having an emergency C-section while my father folded towels.

My childhood is a blur, but I had happy and sad moments.

My mother and father were interesting people and showed me what the real world was like at a young age.

Showed me how to be utterly cruel to someone and turning around and pretending like it never happened.

My mother was, and still is, absolutely gorgeous and I envied her as a child.

Thankfully, I took on her looks.

My father knew how to make money and used it to make up for his absence in my childhood.

Thankfully, I’m materialistic.

I was good in school, but the people at school weren’t good to me.

I learned how to manipulate and punch people in the stomach while giving them a hug.

Detroit kids ain’t no joke, neither are the suburban kids.

I can easily look someone in their eyes and tell them a lie with no mercy at all.

I can hurt someone and knows that it had to happen.

Someone has to endure it and it won’t be me anymore.

Now, I’m nineteen.

In college, transferring schools.

I have the potential to be a success,

The potential to be a psychopath.

I have the potential to mess up my entire life,

The potential to mess up someone else’s entire life.

I have the potential to be a horrible, disturbed human being who ruins everything they touch