After being on this blog, you are probably wondering what kind of fucked up individual would write these kinds of things and experience these kinds of experiences. Well, it’s me, paramour, or just Ari. Ari is a shorthand for my real name and I just prefer it for my professional work. But who am I?
I can be anything you can imagine.
I can be sweet, I can be mean.
I can be helpful, I can be useless.
I can be the greatest friend or lover you ever had, I can ruin your life.
I have the ability to transform myself into any kind of person at any moment with ease. It is a part of who I am.
But my heart isn’t a part of that. I am a kind and loving person by nature and I am beautiful on the inside and out. But I can easily dismiss all of that and be the coldest person ever, even if it hurts me or my image.
I know how to be cruel and use people’s weaknesses against them and I won’t regret it. I can’t regret it because I don’t regret my decisions or actions because it was planned. Everything I do, every move I make is planned and prepared beforehand.
I, also, know how to erase it all and lay in my sorrow. I know how to let my emotions surround me and bring me under, bring me towards my death. I will allow myself to waste away and destroy myself if it means I get to feel my own pain.
I know how to be the person who will give you their last dime, last shirt and the last piece of my heart if it means you will be happy. I will be the shoulder you need in your hardest time and I will let you use my own heart for warmth. I will allow myself to take on your emotions if it means you will be at peace within.
I can love everyone, but I can hate everyone too.
To put it simply, I am everything and nothing at the same time
And I’m becoming content with that.
The Paramour 