Enjoy

It’s the holiday season, a very special time of year for me. I remember my mother would always make a special meal for my father whenever their relationship got rocky. The meal would always snap him back in place and make him more in love with her.

She never gave me the recipe, but I remember a few key ingredients.

Parsley for better communication.

Paprika to heat up their relationship.

Celery to improve health.

Carrots for sweetness.

And a piece of meat for stability.

I always thought the store bought food wasn’t good enough for you, so I found alternatives like gardening and harvesting my fruits and vegetables. But you can’t garden or harvest meat.

As I pour a nice, big bowl of stew, you stay glued to your phone. A frown washes over across your face as you tell me about how your co-worker didn’t show up to work the past couple of days and how the entire office is worried about her. I placed the bowl in front of you as you continues to tell me the details.

“Enjoy.” Mindlessly, he dives his spoon into the stew and shovel it into his mouth. I observe as he chews and processes his food, slowly becoming more and more confused.

He puts down his phone and spoon and reaches into his mouth to pull out a human toe bone. As he analyzes the bone, he turns to me slowly and says, “how did you know?” With a smirk on my face, I shrug my shoulders and say,

“I just have good intuition, honey.”

Jealousy

I saw the photo of you with her

You are falling out of my trap

And you know we can’t have that

Please don’t leave me now

My best knife is under my pillow

My sexiest lingerie is tightly fitted to my hourglass frame

I await for your arrival

Please don’t leave me now

You just entered our home, my home

You couldn’t wait to get me to the bed

The pieces are falling into place

Please don’t leave me now

You enter me, slow and gentle

The knife enters you, fast and cruel

You try to fight, but I always win

Please don’t leave me now

You are in my trunk now

The photo pinned to your chest

now, there’s no need for you to leave me

My Husband

I remember when I first met the man I would eventually marry

I immediately recognized him as a demonic entity

And I instantly fell in love with him

He brought me up from the darkness

But could easily, quickly,

Bring me back down there

I couldn’t ask for anything more

To keep my reckless heart at bay

One day, I know he will take my life

And leave me somewhere

No one would find

He was so terrifying to me

And so unpredictable

And I just couldn’t stay away

Death has arrived

It was around noon

I never knew it

Then I heard his familar tone

I thought he would quit

I didn’t try to run away

He had me in his trap

I guess it was my day

He is my death cap

The knife is on my neck

He was my beloved

Tearing into my turleneck

This is the pain I’ve always loved

Death never scared me

It is all I ever wanted

An important tool

One thing I have learned

During my short years on this earth

Is how to break a person

Humans, people, are machines

Whether we like to accept it or not

We are machines

And with the right technique,

The right words,

And the right movements

You can strip a person down to their core

Expose them to pure evil and heartbreak

And they will breakdown for however long it takes for them to recover

And I have found this as a useful tool

B.D or B.P.D

I feel high, jumpy and touchy. My mind races with millions of thoughts, some gentle, many violent. The consequences of my actions don’t bother me, I did what I did and I’ll do it again.

No care, no care in the world. No care, no care.

I take every opportunity to dance with anyone. I sit on fences and don’t commit. I try different things, different risks just to see the outcome. I’m a broken instrument, unable to be fixed.

No care, no care in the world. No care, no care.

I’m done, tired and slowed down. I feel no pleasure and the things I like seem dull. The number on the scale begins to drop, but I still look heavy. The only place I would like to be is in my bed, laying on my tear-stained pillow. Suddenly, self-slaughter doesn’t seem so bad.

I don’t care, I don’t care anymore. I don’t care, I don’t care.

I’m a regret. My demons talking to me again. I can’t sit in a single class without thinking about ways I could end it right there and then. The thoughts and headaches increase, I can’t be alone.

I don’t care, I don’t care anymore. I don’t care, I don’t care.

I’m hostile, violent and resentful. If you even look at me the wrong way, I will snap. I daydream about taking a hammer and bashing someone’s head in with it. It’s obvious I don’t want to be bothered.

Why, Why should I care? Why, why should I?

I’m unstable, I think about the terror I could raise, how I could ruin everything in a matter of seconds. My blood is boiling, my mind is about to explode. I could kill someone right now. Why? Because I do as I please.

Why, why should I care? Why, why should I?

Counting

When I was a kid, I would count up from one and imagine a big surprise would be waiting for me at ten. When nothing happened, I was confused and disappointed.

I think of you at one; the first time I saw you. Your smile at two and how it made sweet you were to me. Your lips on mine at three and at four your hands are running wild on my body. Once I reach five, you’re telling me you love me and your hands are running down my bare back. Upon reaching six, you become… distant and secretive. Onto seven, you begin to spin a web of lies that I am swept into. At eight, I find out and I break into a million pieces. You leave without feeling guilty about what you did. At nine, I’m alone, trying to find all of my broken pieces and put myself back together. And now, at ten, you’re back, acting like nothing had happened beforehand.

And just like when I was younger, I am confused and disappointed – very disappointed.

I am

I am witty and sly

I wonder why you’re so selfish

I hear your secrets

I see your lies

I want your money, power and all your glory

I am the madness that lurks within you

I pretend to be oblivious

I feel untouchable

I touch your cold heart

I worry about being caught

I cry at your funeral

I am malevolent and hostile

I understand what it means to have power

I say “who’s next”

I dream about the terror I could raise

I try not to laugh

I hope to ruin your life

I am what you hide from in your beds every single night