So I do

I didn’t ask to be a woman.
I didn’t plan it beforehand,
And my parents didn’t plan it.
If I knew how this world treats women,
I would’ve definitely been born a boy,
Or not been born at all.

But I’m here.
I’m here 
Where people are debating about my womb,
Judging my curvy body,
Criticizing my skin color
And fetishizing my ‘erotic’ nature.

It’s a cruel joke.
I didn’t ask for any of this.
I don’t want this reality.
I feel betrayed by my eyes whenever they open
And bring me back to my hopeless reality.
I feel wronged every time by heart beats on rhythm.

But I’m here.
And I have no choice, but to make the most of it. 
I want to have fun
And make people miserable.
The natural evilness within me is fueled by my own hatred and dismay.
She is impulsive, cruel, sharp-tongued and motived.

Every time I try to be sweet and good, 
She reminds me how nobody, but her, cares about my being
And all I have been through due to me being sweet and kind.
She tells me,
“This world has and will always be cruel to you,
why don’t you return it?” 

And so,
I do
as she says.

A Way of Life

Let my wounds tell you.
I’ve been through a lot 
And I don’t know how I survived so long.
I should have been dead a while ago.
My body found lifeless,
Filled with pain pills
And unfulfilled wishes.

I have been through so much pain.
I’ve become cold and numb.
The emotions within me 
Operate against me.
My body and mind 
Move on their own,
Senseless and numb.

But, 
I’m trying.
I’m trying to find peace and love
Within this cruel world.
I’m trying to live in a naive state,
Where no further harm can be down.

But, I’m corrupt.
I follow my own laws and direction.
I find pain to be love
And love to be obsession.
I find hatred to be passion
And passion to be deadly.

I have been through it all
And I have seen it all.
I live in a different mindset,
A different painting and vision.

After so much pain,
I finally get to make the rules.

It wasn’t planned

I’m sorry for the lack of posting! I’ve had final with University and had to keep on track with that. I hope you guys enjoy this short story and I will post more this week. – The Paramour

I didn’t mean to. I just wanted you all to myself. The second you entered me was the second I knew you were meant to be mine. You felt so right within me. My legs wrapped perfectly around your waist as you pushed into my small center. I didn’t want you to leave me. Ever. I didn’t want to cause you any pain. Ever. I know you hate pain, but I just couldn’t let you be with anyone else. I watched as you reached your climax and as I reached for the knife. Within seconds, the knife was struggling to penetrate your back. Your muscles spasmed and you tried to push me away at the second or third stab, but it was to no advantage. You fall onto your open wounds and whine like a child in pain. 

My poor baby, 

My poor, poor, baby.

Don’t worry or whine, it will be ok.

You’re safe 

with me now.

Paradise

In the future,

I hope to live comfortably.

My husband takes care of me.

I don’t have to work or make decisions

Besides what color the kitchen walls should be painted.

The only form of work I do is writing for my blog

And tending to the home.

No,

I don’t want to be the stereotypical housewife

Who takes cares of her man child of a husband 

And is restricted to the home.

I want to be the wife that my husband tends to.

He takes care of all my wants and needs and more.

He lets me be hateful and cruel, 

But only sweet to him.

Yes,

I want to live out my evil ways

In peace and without shame.

This is paradise.

My paradise.

Love Letter

What must I do for your love?

What must I do for you to be mine?

You are the embodiment of perfection and glory.

The sight of you makes my knees weak

And my power, my ego, disappear.

Your boyish appearance and naïve aura

Makes you irresistible and I want to

Corrupt you,

Damage you,

A man of twenty, but you’re so pure,

So new, to this harsh world.

I was made

For you.

I will write for you until my fingers bleed.

I will further damage this world for you.

I will give you my beating heart for your own.

I will crawl on my hands and knees if you asked.

I will only exist for your own happiness and pleasure.

I Knew It

I knew I loved him
When I started imaging our lives together.

I knew I loved him
When every thought I had was about him.

I knew I loved him
When I couldn’t sleep without him by my side.

I knew I loved him
When I started to enter his dreams.

I knew I loved him
When I started tormenting him unintentionally.

I knew I loved him
When I started including him in my morning prays.

I knew I loved him
When I began to possess him.

I knew I loved him
When I began using his blood as sweetener in my morning tea.

Intense Emotions

I hate everything.
I hate life.
I hate having to live in this world.
I hate having to talk.
I hate having to correct people.
I hate that there are crappy, shitty, bottom of the barrel ass people in this world.

I love everything.
I love expressing love.
I love being in love.
I love my life and the people that are in it.
I love everything that is given to me.
I love what is going on in my life 

I am disgusted by everything.
I’m disgusted by my hair.
I’m disgusted by my peers.
I’m disgusted by my teachers.
I’m disgusted by people.
I’m disgusted I live on a planet like this.

I’m irritated by everything.
I’m irritated by your presence.
I’m irritated with how certain things go.
I’m irritated that I write shitty poems.
I’m irritated with this existence. 
I’m irritated that you irritated me.

Faithful Friend

I recently got a new cat named Lucky. She is a Maine Coon and has a combination of brown and light fur with a button nose. She’s an angel and the sweetest cat ever. However, she does have a flaw. Her tongue was abnormally large, but I never saw it as a real problem.

My boyfriend and I never had a healthy relationship. He doesn’t have the best life and can take it out on me, but I don’t want to leave him. I think you probably know where this is heading.

One day, I just got so fed up with his torture. He recently got fired from his 5th job of the year and was taking it out on me. So, I took a knife to his throat and sliced it like butter. It was nice to watch him struggle and I felt a sense of relief once he took his last breath. His blood painted the walls and the hardwood floors, I didn’t know what to do.

But during my panic, my Maine Coon came swaying into the room. With her tail high and her ears back. She observed the scene and observed my state. And began licking. She started to lick up the drying blood off the floors and chew on his open flesh. She stopped and looked at me as to ask if I’m going to  join her. I smiled wide and followed her lead. 

The night he told me he loved me

We just came from dinner at a local diner. The moon was out and shining, enlightening us under her glory. He was hold my hand and I was trying to keep the beast within me tamed. We walked over the wooden bridge. I felt like I was on a light cloud. I felt like I was in heaven. Then, he stopped. He stopped and turned to face me and palmed my face in his hands. And, he said it. He said those three fucking words.

“I love you.”

The second those word left his mouth, I broke apart. Something within me switched off and the beast, the evil being, came out. My body went haywire and I had no control over it. My brain shut off, the veins in my neck snapped, my head became stiff and heavy. Then, my stomach turned and my legs snapped, causing me to fall onto the bridge. He tried to help me, he truly did, but it was too late. The night he told me he loved me was the night I died and became the evil being I am today.

How Did You Get Him?

How did I get him?
How did I get him to become mine for this lifetime
and the next?
Well, it wasn’t easy.

I had to attract him.
I wore pretty, short dresses
And short skirts.
I became hairless and brainless 
To get him to notice me.

I had to match him.
I copied his actions and
His interests.
I had to smile as big as I could
And hide my true intentions.

And then,
I got him.  

I had to keep him in.
I put my menstrual blood
In his food.
I used my climax to 
Keep him thinking of me.

We had to stay together.
We lived in each other’s
Dreams.
We performed blood rituals
Under the light of the full moon.

My work will not go to waste.